No birth stories yet...

I am still trying to determine to what detail (if any) I want to include my clients' birth stories here. For purposes of confidentiality I haven't yet posted any, as I am waiting for approval from the moms involved. A part of my brain is leaning towards NOT posting them, but instead writing responses to the one or two most crucial events of each; what those events where, how I responded, how it could have been handled better or worse, etc. So should anyone be disappointed that there are no graphically described birth room scenes, I apologize. Perhaps you would like to weigh in on what would be most interesting to read about, keeping in mind this blog is intended to be about becoming a doula, and not a mother.

There are elements of every birth that shape my perspective. Events that were planned and prepared for, more often ones that were not, and I have to learn how to process them. I have to reason out ways to not let someone else's birth experience creep into my brain and try to become mine. This is such an emotionally involved line of work that it seems impossible to me that I will ever be able to walk away from a client and every think of her again as "just a client." You bond with a woman as you help her birth, you fall in love with her and her family, but logistically speaking a doula just can't maintain that level of devotion to every woman she has ever worked with, all the time. So how do I honor each birth, keep a place for each birth, but not become overwhelmed with other people's experiences? Especially when something happens that I really wish hadn't, and it affects me negatively (those of course being the experiences that have the greatest sticking power)? Fortunately I live in an area rich with wonderful doulas, and within that community there is much opportunity for debriefing and processing births. But even with that, I find that parts of my client's births will pop back after a time, unexpectedly-sometimes creeping into the spaces I'm trying to keep reserved for new clients, women whose births are still imminent and should be able to remain clean and fresh, a blank slate if you will. While my past experiences have shaped and improved my skills in this work, that is all I want to take to a birth-my skills and my knowledge. No prejudice or expectations based on past experiences. And that's hard. It's really hard. But I think it's getting easier.